marriage

With engagement a lot of women feel there’s enormous pressure to show their worth.

I read this article today. Getting married is a crazy process – I changed my name, invited my estranged father (who didn’t show up) and my biological father, (who stole the show) and was witness to my mother’s first meeting with my father since before I was born. There was that, and all the getting married parts.

Now that I’ve had some time to reflect, the event went well. I spent time on the things that I cared about (cupcakes, postcards, art) and with the people I wanted to spend time with. I enjoyed most of the planning, and none of the aftermath. We didn’t go into debt.

Watching a friend’s wedding unfold gave me a little insight into the way other women view the marriage process — the culmination of years of work and training. The execution of childhood fantasies. A recognition of one’s worth. They are so happy. My experience was just not the same. There was joy, but no overwhelming validation.

I think what’s different was that I questioned my participation in every thing, except creating the vows. When we made our vows, I was aware and in the moment. Otherwise, I think that I let the situation run away with me.